2889 hours and approximately 40 mintues. We we will be in Uganda for a total of close to three thousand hours from deplaning to taking off from Entebbe. That seems like a lot of time, and it is; however, when put into perspective it's only about 1.6% of my total life. Perspective is one of the main thing that this semester has given me. A lot of my perspective change has been due to recognizing the scale that I have been comparing against. During a sermon a Watoto Church the pastor there stated, "Integrity is fundamentally the value we place on God not on ourselves." By changing what I'm comparing myself to from the world's standards to God's it's changed my perspective as a whole. Perspective in my values, commitments, and questions I'm asking, perspective in my view of the definition of hardships, perspective on who I actually want to me, and finally, perspective on what standards I want to hold myself and others in my life to.
This semester I think my values haven't really changed so much as in they've simply becoming more refined and backed by more concrete reasons. I'm a questions person and I believe that questions hold the key to personal growth. I believe in the fact that we cannot move past who we are until we have complete honesty with ourselves and look at ourselves in the brokenness, pain, and hurt, and then after realizing all this chose to say yes, yes to life, yes to picking up the pieces and offering them up to God to make a beautiful masterpiece. Questions are the way to deliverance, "When we're exposed to the liveliness of holding everything up to the light of questions-we discover that redemption is creeping into the ways we think, believe, and see the world," (Dark). Looking back through my journal I see hundreds of questions such as, "Am I asking to understand or am I instead yearning to grasp how to respond to life, Am I wrong in trying to wrestle instead of simply accepting, Who is God to me, What are the things about God that are offensive to me, How do I view integrity, What is the point, who is my community here and what do I have to contribute, Where can I go to meet the living God, What would make me feel better, What the heck am I doing and why am I not responding? Is it possible to miss something you don't know? Does my church at home have it right?" and so on. When we ask questions of ourselves, "it gives our souls a bit of elbow room, as space in which to breathe and imagine again, as if for the first time," (Dark). Through asking theses questions and ones like it, I've been able to wrestle through my values and commitments such as being known for integrity--living in internal peace which is driven by a knowledge of right and wrong and then acting on such convictions, loving well those that the Lord has put around me and developed a telos of, "I want my life to be a work of art, that my life attentions would evoke others attentions in a way that allows for growth of community, growth of self, and growth in love for God."
Throughout this semester I've been keeping a visual "map" of my stay in Uganda; putting down the defining moments, those that made me rejoice, those that made me question, those that made me cry, and ultimately those that drew me closer to the Lord. One of the most significant moment that I wrote was a time when I was really questioning why I wasn't responding, why my heart wasn't being moved, what I could ever do of significance, and how you can know right from wrong in situations that have no clear explanation. As I was writing in my journal I felt the gentle voice of the Lord telling my to look at Proverbs 2. It was one of those moments when it clicked that not only does God love when we challenge ourselves with questions and deep things, but that he wants to guide us into understanding, wisdom, and courage to stand in the midst of everything. Other challenges I faced included being sick, multiple times, hurting my foot, and learning to live in a extrovert culture which resulted in having an emotional breakdown only to realize fully what it means that God is with us, and finding comfort in Job 6:10, Psalm 23, Philippians 2:6-8, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Romans 8:28 among many others. These hardships have helps me see that God is truly enough, that he desires good for us, pure good. The low moments have driven me into God's open arms, they've allowed me to break completely in order that I have to run to God for him to start mending me back together. Moments in class have also helped me see more clearly the lies that have been engrained in my life and realize truly that, "Where we are and where we have been deeply affects who we thing God is and what we think God wants us to be," (Mere Discipleship). I've been able to learn that yes, there are experiences both good and bad and all of them contribute to who we are at the core of our being. And the incredible thing about being a Christian is that God not only redeems each experience but he also actually wants to because they're what make each of us unique and have something unique to offer those around us.
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| Art Field trip |
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| All the girls in Florence |
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| They're just great |
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| Baby! |
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